Please Get Rid of Your Bean Tickler, Sir.

Scott Eyre






Scott Eyre has grown on me as a player lately, but something that grows on him that will never grow on me is his facial hair.  Pubes have no place on the face.  However, many baseball players seem to be cultivating these audacious goatees lately.  Kerry Wood has a healthy amount of chin music going on, and even Theriot has a soul patch.  The first Cubs facial hair to make me nauseous was Matt Clement’s facial hair.  Remember Matt Clement? 

Matt Clement







A prodigious patch like that could throw off a pitcher’s mechanics!  And so I wonder if pitchers grow these goatees for intimidation purposes rather than for aesthetic purposes.  These guys all look a little more boyish without the growth, so perhaps the scary hair is there for a specific purpose: to make a batter cower in fear, take three timid swings, and skitter quickly back to the dugout. 

As a fan of baseball, however, these nasty half-beards make me yearn for the days of the seventies relief pitcher moustache.  Manstrength knows what I’m talking about–Rollie Fingers, Jim “Catfish” Hunter, Goose Gossage, et al. 

So if intimidation is the main objective, why not try one of the following styles–

facial hair types



















The Hulihee would be a great choice as it would look effin frightening on an opposing pitcher.  And are the “Friendly Mutton Chops” really all that friendly looking? 

Finally, here’s a link to a slideshow on AOL showing many of the wonderfully disturbing facial hair styles players have sported in MLB.

One Response

  1. […] Event—Fukudome takes some chin music from […]

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