Things We’ve Lost in the Ivy

I’m secretly convinced that there is no wall behind the ivy at Wrigley.  Alright, that’s probably a silly belief.  I mean, we’ve all seen the wall.. but I think there’s a door to… the secret garden!  Alright.. maybe not that lame.. but I suspect that something much cooler than just a wall exists there.. And this line of thought got me to thinking about things that are probably  lost back there….  

1.  Amelia Earheart’s airplane.  Officially dissapeared over the central Pacific on July 2, 1937.  She apparently was trying to circumnavigate the globe.  Right, a likely story.  I mean, who needs to circle the globe twice?  My theory?  She was trying to fly close to Wrigley to get a great view of the stadium.. and somehow smashed through the vines and into what I am going to refer to as the “Magic Kingdom,” or “M.K.” I suspect she is the M.K. Queen.

2. Tupac Shakur.  Officially shot four times on September 7th, 1996.  He died 6 days later of “respiratory failure” and “cardiac arrest.”  Uh huh.  So he’s shot, and then dies of a heart attack?  Nah, he’s out behind the vines too.  I don’t have a theory about how he got there.. but he’s there.. playing doubles tennis with..

3. and 4.  Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun.  Both supposedly commited suicide on April 30th, 1945.  Most casual Cubs fans don’t realize this, but Adolf and Eva were avid Cubs fans.  After the Cub’s appearance and subsequence loss in the 1938 World Series, Adolf went into a fit of angry depression.. eventually deciding to take over the world.. He invaded Poland in 1939 basing his attacks, contrary to popular belief, off of Dizzy Dean’s strategy of attacking the plate.. Eva and Adolf decided in 1945 that enough was enough with the war business and headed to Chicago to catch opening day at Wrigley.  They decided that the Field was too beautiful to go back to war torn Europe, and stayed at the Inn behind the vines.

           Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun, April 1945  

5.  Corey Patterson’s talent.  Drafted third overall in the 1998 Amateur Draft, he immediately began to fulfill his high expectations by being voted as the Class A Midwest League’s Prospect of the Year by leading the league in  slugging percentage (.592), extra basehits (72) and triples (17). He also batted .320 with 20 homers and 79 RBI, and was named to the league’s all-star team both at midseason and postseason.  He continued his climb to fame and prosperity in the Major Leagues, as was shown by his solid 2003 season.  However, he injured his knee on his way to first base that year after only 83 games.. I suspect his talent escaped into the vines that fateful day during the pregame warm ups.  I offer no explanation as to how it happened.. just the fact that somehow, his talent snuck into the vines with throwing up our arms as if to say “ground rule double.”  In this case, however.. there was no double to be had. 

6.  Jimmy Hoffa.  Officially dissapeared:  July 30th, 1975.  Controversial Teamsters President/Cubs Fan/avid tennis player.  My theory:  I suspect that he took a road trip to catch the Cubbies and the Cardinals game on July 31st, 1975.  The Cubs Went on the win that game 5-3, and Jimmy “won” himself a spot as the alternate on the Magic Kingdom’s tennis team.

My list could go on.. and maybe it will another day.. but in the meantime.. I want to hear your thoughts on who or what else can be found…. Behind the Vines.